hrm....i've been thinking these days.about many things.some are difficult and hard to imagine and some are just sad.to be honest,i feel confuse and uncertain.why u ask?well,lets say i have many things to think about.i've been keeping and holding on to a feeling for so long which is hard to say but it feels like a rock fell on my heart and its been there for so long.i'm always smiling but when that certain thought comes to me,all i ever do is feel sad and the painful feeling comes back.i'm able to smile just for a while again after that but maybe thats the true meaning of my name.felicia means happyness.maybe thats why i'm often seen as a happy person.smiling all the time.but theres a thought in my head that always makes me feel depress.i think i know what it is.all my life,i've been fooled and acted as a fool.sometimes i do the wrong things without noticing it and because of that,i think i might have hurt a few people.i guess i can be called as a selfish person.being a 15 year old girl and going to highschool and being the eldest sibling,its hard and stressful.but compare to others like my mom and dad,my problem is nothing.sometimes,i might have thought that going to school just makes me feel angry.all of this change when i met someone.turns out in the end,i like this person.wait,no.i mean i came to love him.it was that very place that i always stood even when it rain or shining brightly and waited for uncle bus that made me to meet him.under that very tree right opposite of the school i go.these days i never stood there like i did in form 1.but sometimes i would walk across the road and go to that very place.i realise that i've come to love that place for it was the place that gave me happyness in life.gareth hoom...what can i say abt him...funny,friendly,kind,childish,entertaining,and sometimes often think negative.hahaha,but i guess thats what makes people love him a lot.also,he is able to make others happy.sometimes,when i think back on the day he left,i just wondered why didnt i just jump on a cab and went and tell him goodbye at the airport.i'm a fool.the happyness i have now is because i'm able to be with him.because of him,i was able to feel true love for the first time.now,i pray that i'm able to see him this year.no matter what,i have to go.somehow,i'm gonna make it possible.thats a thing i'm willing to put my life on.